


Turning Tables

by serohtonin



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dubious Consent, M/M, RPF, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-10
Updated: 2012-06-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 21:37:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serohtonin/pseuds/serohtonin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darren finally confesses his feelings for Chris, but he isn't exactly pleased with Chris' reactions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turning Tables

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from “Turning Tables” by Adele. This fic is also on [tumblr.](http://somethingdarrenish.tumblr.com/post/24347970641/turning-tables-a-crisscolfer-fic)  
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not any of the people mentioned herein, real or fictional. I have nothing against anyone and I don't claim that this actually happened. What happens in fandom, stays in fandom. Please don't share this outside of that.  
> 

"I love you."

While alone in his room, Darren practices the words on his tongue, though they’re not foreign or complicated, not the words themselves at least.

He’s said them hundreds of times in his life, both in character and out of it, but he’s never been as terrified and uncertain about them as he is now. He doesn’t usually rehearse outside of his professional life- hell, he rarely rehearsed so much before Glee - but he wants to get this moment just right. For once, he’s afraid of falling flat on his face, maybe literally, in front of someone whose opinion he’s come to admire, personally and professionally.

"No, no, no, that’s not right. Open with something...less heavy. Come on, you know how to talk to people. You just, open your mouth, and words fall out. Shit, I am losing my mind," he slaps a hand to his cheek and rubs his face. "Chris Colfer, you have finally made me lose my mind."

The doorbell rings and he gets up to answer it. "I guess I’ll roll with whatever," he sighs.

He opens the door to Chris, who’s dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans, with his hair styled upwards. It’s not like Darren hasn’t seen him like this before, but the older man immediately thinks _breathtaking._ Then he realizes how cheesy that sounds.

"Hi."

"Chris. Exactly the man I wanted to see."

"Well, I hope so. Otherwise, calling me and asking me to come over was kind of a mistake."

"Oh, wine. You brought some, I see," Darren gestures to the bottle in Chris’ hand.

"Uh, yeah. It’s customary to bring something when someone invites you over."

"Right, right." They both stand there for a long moment, Darren not trusting himself to say much more.

"I’m assuming you’re letting me in now because it’s weird for me to stand here all night and stare at you." Chris brushes past him as he enters.

"Yeah, cool. Wine."

"Yes, we’ve established that, Darren." He sets the bottle down on the table and looks at his friend warily. "Are you alright?"

"I’m fine, totally fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine?"

"I really don’t know, Dare. Did you make food or..." The younger man sits on the couch, while Darren bounces over to the table.

"You do know I can’t cook."

"I’m assuming you can make pasta, yes? All that time in Italy has to count for something." He tilts his head back, since Darren is standing behind him, giving Darren a view of the long, pale column of Chris’ neck.

Darren’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. "Oooh, yeah, that I can do, even though I was getting drunk and pretending to study most of the time I was there." He clears his throat. "Lemme get started on that." He strides over to his kitchen and pulls a large pot out of his cabinet, places it in the sink and turns the water on. "So, what’s new with you?" he asks casually, leaning on the counter with one hand.

"Dude, you just saw me, like, three hours ago. Not much has changed."

"Something could’ve happened. I don’t know, man," Darren shrugs.

Chris rests his chin on the armrest. "You’re acting really weird, even for you. Are you sure you’re okay?"

"Um, well, I wanted to talk you about-"

"Dare?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you’ve got enough water in that pot there."

"Oh. _Oh!_ " Darren rushes to turn the water off, which already sloshes over the side of the pot. He dumps some liquid out, and places the pot on the burner.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

Darren switches the burner on, turns toward Chris, and crosses the room to sit beside him. "We’re friends now, right?"

"Of course we are."

"And friends are honest with each other?" Darren asks earnestly, his hand on Chris’ knee.

"I should hope so. What’s going on?"

"Chris, I need to tell you something," he says seriously.

"Ookay, then tell me already."

"This isn’t easy and I’ve thought about this a lot-"

"You, thinking about something? That’s new."

"Come on, I’m actually being serious here. What I want to tell you is-"

"You should check if your water’s boiling."

"Stop interrupting me!" His hazel eyes flicker down to Chris’ lips. "Oh, fuck it."

Chris opens his mouth to speak but before he can, Darren covers it with his own and cups the other man’s cheek, soft and sweet, at first. Then after a small gasp, Chris leans into it and Darren’s licking into his mouth.

But the younger man pulls away. "Darren, what was that?"

He shuffles over to the other end of the couch. "Um, I don’t know. I need to go check the stove."

"You can’t just kiss me and then say something stupid like that."

"It’s not stupid. Safety first, Chris. I don’t want to burn the place down, y’know." He rushes over to the kitchen.

"What you did was not safe. You just- you kissed me."

"So? You liked it," Darren accuses.

"What? That is neither here nor there. You started it."

"Yeah, I know." Darren grabs a box of macaroni from his cupboard, and pours it in the pot.

"Why did you do that?"

"I, I don’t know. I think I might, sort of, have feelings for you. More than friendly feelings, I mean." After searching through several drawers for a wooden spoon, he pulls one out and stirs the pasta.

"You _what?_ "

"I should, um, I should keep stirring this so the noodles don’t stick together."

"You can’t act like it never happened."

"Yes, I can. Would you like some pasta?"

"Darren, it’s not even ready yet." He walks over to where Darren is standing. "Is that what you were going to tell me, that you have feelings for me?"

"Yeah, in less words than that, but yeah."

"Kiss me again."

"What? Aren’t we gonna-?"

Chris kisses him then, the burner switches digging into Darren’s back. "Eat and then make out some more? Yes, yes we are."

Darren thinks they definitely should sort out what’s happening but Chris’ mouth is entirely too distracting. They’re kissing again and then Chris’ mouth latches onto his neck. Darren’s hands clutch the other man’s shirt.

"Can I-"

"Yes. Whatever you want, Chris, yes."

"Whatever I want? Hmm, let’s see. How about we forget about the food then?"

Darren reaches behind him to blindly shut off the burner.

Chris sinks to his knees, looks briefly into Darren’s eyes, and unzips his friend’s fly. He takes a moment to admire Darren’s dick once he draws it out. It’s flushed pink, not as long as Chris had imagined, but definitely thicker, with a large vein pulsing down the length of it and the head shining with pre-cum.

" _Oh._ Oh my God." Darren grips Chris’ hair roughly when the younger man’s lips suddenly surround his cock. "Sorry," he relaxes his hold a bit, "it’s just, shit. Your mouth is fucking magical."

He feels Chris’ hand wrap around him, pumping him to full hardness. Chris cocks an eyebrow at him as if to say, _really?_

"I mean it. Please don’t stop," comes out of Darren’s mouth in one hurried breath.

Darren stares down at Chris with lust-filled eyes that somehow still carry the same softness they did earlier when he about to confess his feelings. The man on his knees avoids Darren’s gaze, though, and keeps licking and sucking, varying the speed of his tongue and his fist.

"Come on, look at me. Your eyes, they’re so- look at me." They’re this ocean-y blue-green color in the light of Darren’s kitchen, and he wants to lose himself in them.

Chris looks up for a second but when the hand in his hair moves to caress his cheek, he closes his eyes and fondles Darren’s balls.

"Ungghh, I’m gonna-"

Before the older man can even finish, he’s coming down Chris’ throat.

Once his partner is done, Chris shakily gets up and kisses him again, the taste of Darren mingling in both their mouths.

"That was...unexpected," Darren chuckles once they pull apart, "but still highly enjoyable."

"Mmm, so you find my skills satisfactory, then?" Chris asks with a smirk.

"More than satisfactory. I’d like to, um, return the favor in some way, if you don’t mind." Darren fingers the scar on Chris’ neck and sucks over it lightly.

"Unhh, sure," Chris grunts. "What would that entail, exactly?"

"Can I- can I touch you?" the older man asks, almost shyly, against Chris’ neck.

"Um, of course. I think we’ve reached that point."

"Okay, good. I need- I need to-"

Darren pulls back and kisses Chris on the mouth. Their foreheads rest against one another for a second and then he looks into Chris’ eyes as he unbuttons the man’s fly. Darren carefully lowers Chris’ pants, running his fingers along his partner’s still-clothed dick.

"Wow. I mean, wow."

"Good wow, or ‘Oh my God, he has a penis’ wow? I mean, you’re speechless, which generally you aren’t so-"

"Good wow. Very good wow. ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this but I’m so glad I am’ wow."

"Okay, good. Please keep touching me."

"Oh, I intend to." Darren removes the last vestige of clothing between him and Chris’ cock. He wraps his hand around the shaft and moves slowly up and down it. It feels similar to Darren’s own, maybe slightly longer, and he has to adjust a bit for the different angle, but it feels right somehow.

"Oh, yesss. Yes, faster. Come on."

First Darren takes his hand away, licks a stripe up his palm, and then obliges.

"Holy fuck. Feels sooo good."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah. Definitely."

He continues stroking, spurred on by Chris’ encouragement, and rubs his thumb along the head.

A few more strokes and-

"Dare, I’m-," and then Chris is spilling between them, all over Darren’s hand. Once he comes down, he adds, nodding to his partner’s hand, "Well, you should, um-"

"No, I want- I want to taste you." Darren looks straight into Chris’ eyes when he licks his own come-covered hand.

"Oh, and, um, uh, how-how do I taste?"

"Kinda bitter," Darren shrugs, his eyes still dark. "I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I’ve never done that before but it’s you so..."

Chris looks away and tucks himself back into his pants. "Well, um, dinner’s ruined now. Let’s have some wine."

"Chris, we have to-"

"No, we don’t. We have wine."

"Chris-"

"Which would be easier to focus on if your dick wasn’t still out."

"Oh," Darren looks down for a moment and then zips himself back up, "sorry. Look, I, I really wanted to-"

"It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it. Wine, remember?"

Darren walks over to the sink, washing his hands as he looks up at Chris. "But I do want to talk about it. That was kind of the point of tonight."

"Get me a glass, Dare."

He grabs two glasses from the cabinet and sets them down on the table. He pours the wine into each glass after he opens the bottle and brings both glasses over to the coffee table, in front of the couch where Chris is sitting again. "Can we _please_ talk about this?" Darren asks after a long gulp of alcohol.

Chris stares straight ahead, draining the contents of his glass silently. "No, we can’t. Let’s watch TV or something."

Darren appraises Chris’ body language, rigid and cold. He recognizes that maybe Chris is shutting down, trying to process what happened, so he lets it go for now and turns on the television.

The TV blares to life, both the men watching but not really focusing on it. Darren’s not sure how much time passes, but after a while, he feels Chris’ hand reach out and curl around his own. He looks down at their hands and doesn’t want to say anything for fear of breaking this fragile connection, but he starts to open his mouth anyway.

"Chris-"

"I should be leaving."

Chris’ hand draws away and Darren instantly curses his stupid mouth.

"No, don’t-don’t leave." Darren stands up at the same time as Chris.

"Some of us actually sleep, Darren, so, yeah, I’m gonna go."

"But-"

"Enjoy the rest of your wine," Chris interrupts. "See you later."

"Bye," Darren answers lamely. Though he wants to say so much more, he just watches Chris leave.

\----

"Diet Coke kills, Chris," Darren says through a mouthful of noodles drenched in soy sauce when they sit down to lunch a couple weeks later.

Still easing out of character, Chris raises an eyebrow and shoots him a glare Kurt Hummel would be proud of. "It does _not._ "

"It does in the quantity you drink it in," Darren replies after he swallows a gulp of water. He spent the night of their dinner restlessly wondering why Chris had acted the way he did, but there hadn’t been a good time to bring it up yet. Darren was still upset about the whole thing; he still indulged in witty banter with Chris, though not nearly as often as they used to.

"Well, I’m eating vegetables at least, so..."

Darren just starts laughing and shaking his head.

"Do not laugh at me, Mister I Once Ate Two Whole Large Pizzas by Myself. Your plate is also covered in MSG, I might add."

"Hey! Don’t rag on my Asian heritage. Soy sauce is a gift from the gods, and that was in college. I hadn’t eaten for over nine hours and I’ll have you know I had a _severe_ case of the munchies. Life-threatening, even."

"I’m not saying it’s not delicious. I’m merely saying that you’re one to talk about food choices," Chris smirks.

Darren watches him chomping on a piece of celery and in this moment, he realizes he wouldn’t mind sharing conversations like this with Chris for the rest of their lives, but only if they can talk about the serious stuff too. "Chris, about that night-"

"Food, where? Oooh, hey guys! I’m starving." But Lea suddenly appears beside Chris then, pilfering a carrot stick from his plate, and whatever he’s thinking of saying dies on his lips. "But, onto more pressing matters. So, Chris, how was your date last night?" she asks excitedly between munches.

Darren stiffens and nearly chokes when he takes another swig from his water bottle.

"Hello to you, too, Lea," Chris greets her. "Neither of you have table manners, it seems, but I guess I should expect that by now."

"Yeah, yeah, just tell me about your date, Colfer." She swings her legs around carefully in Rachel’s  
dress to fully sit at the table. "You okay, D?" she starts to reach across the table where Darren is sitting, concern in her eyes.

"Oh, I’m fine," Darren waves her arm away, but his expression seems to say otherwise. Chris thinks maybe there’s a flash of hurt and then disgust."I’d like to know more about this date too, _Chris._ " Darren places his arms on the table, his chins in his hands, staring at Chris. "I can’t _wait_ to hear it."

"Well, for one, he had _spectacular_ table manners, and that’s none of your business, Lea," he looks at her, "or yours, _Darren._ " He looks pointedly at the other man.

"C’mon, Chris, we’re your friends. It is _totally_ our business. If you can’t share all the juicy details of your dating life with us, who can you share ‘em with?" Lea nudges Chris’ arm with her bare shoulder.

"Yeah, who can you share ‘em with but your friends, Chris? We are friends, right?" Darren tilts his head and smiles quickly before his mouth becomes a hard line.

The younger man swallows when he looks at Darren. "Yes, but you don’t need to know _everything._ "

"Yes, we do. Right, Darren?"

"Lea’s totally right. We need to know _everything._ Is he cute? I bet he’s tall. Oh, and funny, and smart," the hazel-eyed pretends to gush like an over-excited teenage girl.

"He was great actually, Dare." Chris gives the other man a hard stare that Lea doesn’t seem to notice. "As first dates go, it was pretty good," Chris smiles at the both of them.

"That’s awesome, Chris!" Lea squeals.

"Yeah, just awesome," Darren adds sarcastically, with two thumbs up to Chris."I- I need to go." He gets up from the table, taking his plate and hastily dumping it in the trash. "See you later."

"Um...okay?" Lea chimes as Darren retreats. "Bye, Darren. So, tell me more about this guy."

\----

They only have scenes in the choir room left to film that day so Chris and Darren don’t interact very much. Kurt and Blaine aren’t even sitting next to each other, so there’s barely any chance for Chris to talk to him between takes. Whenever there’s an opportunity, Darren seems to bounding over to every other cast member _but_ him, animatedly chatting with Naya, Heather, Dianna, and Harry.

However, Darren does glare over at Chris every so often, but the director calls "action" and everyone is back in their places before Chris can explain himself.

\----

At the end of the day, there’s a loud knock on the door of Chris’ trailer.

"Come in," Chris calls from the far end, now in his street clothes.

Chris turns to see Darren advancing on him, yelling, "What the hell was that?"

"What was what? It’s called _acting,_ Darren. Y’know, our jobs?"

Darren rolls his eyes. Chris notices that he’s in his own clothes too, a thin t-shirt and jeans, his hair fluffy and product-free. "I mean, at lunch, with Lea. She said you went on a date? You had fun?"

"That would be correct, as I told both of you. And yeah, it was pleasant," Chris shrugs.

"Really, Chris?" he asks, with an edge in his voice.

"What is your problem? So I went on a date with someone? Big deal. You and I aren’t dating. We're not anything, actually. We never talked about it and-"

Darren fires back, " _We're not anything?_ That's such bullshit, Chris. Something happened between us, and it wasn’t just sex. At least, not for me. I don’t think it was for you either, and we never talked about it, because you refused to discuss it, and now you date the first guy that hits on you?"

"The first guy that..." Chris' eyes narrow, "Wow, is that really what you think of me?" The other man’s words hit him like a punch in the gut because Chris _does_ feel something for Darren, has mulled it over in his head every day and night, but instead he dates other people in an effort to crush the persistent thrumming of his heart, and what that could mean. The thrumming only got louder after he found out Darren had feelings too. "Maybe I want to be involved in something that is less complicated than," he gestures between them, " _this._ "

Darren wants to take it back because he doesn’t want to hurt someone he cares about, but he's too pissed off and tired of this dance, and maybe now the spark between them will actually ignite. He edges closer to where Chris is standing. "What's complicated is that you're making it complicated, Chris. I was going to tell you- Fuck, you're...everything."

"I'm... _what?_ What does that even mean? What about Mia? What about the girl from the coffee shop?"

"Girl from the coffee shop? What are you talking about? That's - This isn't about them. It's about you. We got close to something, and you pushed me away. What am I supposed to do, wait for you to come around? Because that's been _really_ successful so far," he chuckles darkly.

"I'm...I'm tired. You should go."

"I should do a lot of things." Darren, chest heaving and nearly out of breath from yelling, stands there, staring at Chris. He lunges forward, capturing Chris' lips in a searing kiss, leaving the kitchenette counter poking into the younger man’s back in an echo of how Chris had kissed Darren that night in the kitchen. Chris lets out a yelp of surprise but begins to melt into it as soon as Darren pulls his mouth away. His hands skim Chris' sides and come to rest above the waistband of his jeans. He leans his forehead to Chris'. "Did he-did he touch you?"

"Yeah, because I would totally let that happen on the first date. So what if he did? I could’ve had sex with him if I wanted to," the taller man challenges, trying to maintain control of his breathing as Darren's hands reach lower.

"I didn't say anything about fucking," he punctuates the last word by cupping Chris' crotch. "You did. Don't put words in my mouth. And you didn't answer my question."

He gasps at the contact but still responds, "I can do whatever I want, Darren. I don't have to answer your idiotic questions." He grips Darren's forearms and looks into his eyes. A dizzying warmth fills him at how close they are, at the relief that Darren, and not someone else, is touching him, possessing him, even. From here, Chris can see every detail of this man’s gorgeous face, how wide his pupils are, only a thin ring of hazel surrounded by black, every hint of stubble and razor bump, the bow of his full lips. "Why are you being like this?"

"Maybe I'm finally doing something about this, about us. Maybe, I don't wanna lose you. Maybe, I'm really _fucking pissed_ that rather than talk about this like civilized adults, you go behind my back and see someone else."

"Behind your back. Oh, fuck you."

"Do you not fucking remember what I tried to tell you?" Darren's hands wander underneath Chris' shirt. "Did you like it, at least?"

"Darren."

"Tell me." He nips at Chris’ neck and scratches at his torso. "Did you like it when he touched you? How was he?"

"I- nothing happened," he moans. "Actually, that’s not true. We kissed." Shock courses through Chris because he’s never seen Darren like this before, rough and a little dangerous, but he finds that he likes him this way, taking control; at least someone isn’t ambivalent in this situation. He feels Darren’s hard lines of muscle pressed against him, his masculine scent overwhelming Chris’ senses, a heady mixture of aftershave, soap, and sweat. He claws at the small of Darren’s back through his shirt, but it’s not enough so he slides his fingers beneath the material and digs his nails into the skin. "He’s- he’s nothing though. He’s nothing to me. I swear."

"Did he whisper in your ear and tell you how beautiful your eyes are, how much you turn him on, how completely dismantled one look from you makes him feel, huh?" the hazel-eyed almost growls, kissing along Chris’ shirt collar, seemingly ignoring everything Chris said previously.

There are emotions bubbling at the surface of this moment that they’ll definitely need to address but Chris is so turned on right now, growing hard from Darren’s touch and his mouth, that he wants to relieve it somehow, so he grinds against the other man’s hip.

Taking the hint, the shorter man unzips Chris’ fly, strokes his cock through his briefs. Chris exhales sharply at the release of pressure and the dry friction on his dick. It feels just as good as the last time, somehow better even. He realizes he wants to do this, and maybe other softer, slower things, with this man as much as he possibly can, maybe for the rest of his life. He wants to take his time, explore every inch of him. Then, before Chris can think about that anymore, Darren’s half-hard and rutting against him but it’s too rough, too much clothing. And _oh yes,_ Darren unbuttons his own jeans, slips his boxers down. The other man looks up at him through his long lashes, glances down between them. "Turn around."

"I need- We need-" Chris interjects as he does what his partner tells him, but not before peeking down himself to look at Darren’s naked lower half. His cock is half-erect, which he already knows, but to see that, again, and have the knowledge that it’s all his doing, is something else entirely. His mouth waters at the sight, lamenting that he can’t taste it, like last time, but the anticipation that it would be inside him soon almost suffices.

"I know. Got it. Just, fucking, turn around," Darren answers sharply and bends down to retrieve a small bottle of lube and a condom. Chris doesn’t question why Darren has these things but is grateful that he does, and that he doesn’t have to break into his own stash that he keeps in the bathroom cabinet, just in case.

The older man peels down Chris’ pants and underwear. "Fuck. So fucking beautiful," he murmurs, running his palm over the curve of Chris’ ass.

Chris shivers, bracing himself with palms pressed flat against the counter. Then, the rough, calloused pad of Darren’s finger brushes down the crack of Chris’ ass, and pushes inside of him.

"What the hell?" Chris hisses at the pain of the sudden intrusion, quickly noticing that Darren’s finger is dry.

"What, you thought I would be gentle?" he pants into Chris’ ear, retracting his finger, and flicking open a bottle. Two fingers, slick this time, slide into Chris.

"Ow, shit. Give a guy some time," the younger man complains.

"I did. I did," he thrusts his fingers in and out harshly, "give you," his fingers thrust again, "time, but you didn’t listen to me." Darren’s fingers keep working in and out between each word.

Chris clenches around nothing, desperate to be filled again, as Darren pulls out of him. He hears the condom wrapper tearing open. "Fuck, I’m listening now. Just do it," he grunts.

The other man pumps himself until he’s fully hard and rolls the condom on. He lubes himself up a bit and teases Chris’ ass crack before he enters him. He doesn’t say anything, only pants against Chris’ neck and bites at the nape when he pushes in further. Darren stills for a few moments. "I’m sorry, so fucking sorry, Chris," he sobs.

The younger sucks in a breath when he’s filled. "Ah, it’s okay. You can move now."

"Okay, okay," his lips ghost across the back of Chris’ neck as he moves in and out of him, whispers, "I’m sorry," into his skin over and over. He reaches around to Chris’ cock and jerks him off in time with his thrusts. "You’re really important to me. You don’t deserve-"

"It’s alright. I know. You matter to me, too. Unghhh," the blue-eyed grunts when Darren hits that spot inside of him, "talk later, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, _fuck._ But our first time- God, I’m such a, fuck," he swears again when he pulls almost fully out and then back in again, "such an asshole."

"Darren, I’m gonna - just, be with me right now, okay?"

"Ugh, you feel so good. ‘Kay." He jerks Chris faster, brushes one of his balls with his thumb on the downstroke, fondles the head on the upstroke. His grip loosens a little and his thrusts get more erratic. Then he squeezes Chris’ hip with his other hand and comes, sucking at the younger man’s neck to muffle his moans. His thumb lazily strokes at Chris’ back where his shirt’s rucked up. "I -"

"Don’t say it right now, Dare. Please."

"Alright. Come for me, Chris." He whispers the other’s name, soft and sweet, almost reverential.

With that, Chris lets go with a shout, all over his shirt, Darren’s hand, and the kitchenette. Once he comes down, he feels empty when he realizes Darren has pulled out of him.

Chris is still breathing heavily when the older man takes off Chris’ now-wrecked shirt and kisses all over his back.The thrumming of Chris’ heart, that he’s tried so desperately to ignore, is even more forceful now. "Mmm, Darren. Darren."

Darren’s lips graze the backs of Chris’ calves, the crooks of his knees, the backs of his thighs. "Yeah?"

"Oh, shit. Darren, I- I can’t." His mouth feels like delicious torture, Chris’ sensitive cock twitching when hands ghost over his ass.

"Shh." Darren’s mouth trails up Chris’ spine and he presses against him. "I’m sorry."

He turns his head and catches Darren’s bright, shining eyes, but he quickly looks away. He can’t take the sheer vulnerability he finds there, doesn’t know what to do with Darren’s look of pure adoration now that it’s hitting him like a freight train. "I can’t do this. You should, you should go," Chris repeats for the second time that day, but misses Darren’s heat instantly as the other man creates a slight gap between them.

"Why? Chris, please," he begs.

"Get out," Chris cries.

"Seriously? I cannot believe- Now that we finally- This is so fucked up, Chris. If this is about just now-"

"Darren-"

"I already said I was sorry."

"I can’t listen to you apologize when I’m the one-Shut up and leave already!" he yells.

Darren pulls up his pants. "Fine, but you can’t run from this. Now you know how I feel and I would never- "

"God, do you ever stop talking? Go. Away," Chris interrupts as he puts his jeans and underwear back on too.

Darren grabs Chris’ waist and turns him, forcing the other to look at him. "Just so we’re clear, I love you. I still fucking love you, even right now. What does that say about me?"

But Chris doesn’t meet his eyes again and lets the question hang in the air, regardless of whether or not it was meant to have an actual answer. He watches Darren leave, the door slamming in his wake.

"Damn it," the younger man exclaims to his empty trailer, slumping against the lower cabinets in the small kitchen area.

He cleans the countertop and upper cabinets with his dirty shirt and throws it in his bag. He washes every trace of Darren off of him in the shower before he goes home and puts on a clean shirt but Darren’s words still ring in his head during the drive back to his place.

_You’re everything._

_I love you. I still fucking love you._

\----

When they’re at work over the next few months, because they’re still both professionals, the two exchange cursory greetings while they’re in hair and makeup and act the part of loving boyfriends who will never leave each other.

Chris attempts to further their conversation one day, however. "Darren, I-"

"I don’t have anything to say to you right now."

He sees a hard look in Darren’s eyes, one that says _I still love you and it’s killing me._

Chris wants to go to him, tell him he’s an idiot for pushing him away, twice, and for not listening to him.

But Darren won’t speak to him, rightfully so, and he doesn’t know what else to do, except let it kill him too.


End file.
